Few things in this life are as painful as feeling shunned or excluded by your own family. For many people, being left out of family events, conversations or decisions can feel like a betrayal.
Why this hurts more is because family is where we expect to find belonging. But when that bond is broken, the emotional fallout is usually profound.
And that begs the question, why does it happen? Well, the truth is, family exclusion can stem from many places. Sometimes it’s rooted in unresolved conflict, generational misunderstandings, jealousy, or even differences in values and life choices.
When this happens and you’re on the receiving end, it’s very easy to internalize the hurt and question your worth.
We must first acknowledge the hurt. Minimising your feelings by thinking perhaps you’re being overly sensitive only suppresses pain that needs space to be processed. Accept the truth for what it is.
Journaling, therapy or even talking it out with a trusted friend can help untangle the emotional knot. It’s important to validate your experience because intentional exclusion by those you love is a form of emotional abuse.
Understanding the ‘’why’’ behind the behaviour can be helpful but unfortunately, it’s not always possible. You may have to accept that you may never get a clear explanation or a heartfelt apology and that ambiguity can be just as hard to live with.
In such situations, focus instead on what you can control which is your boundaries, your self-talk, and how you choose to respond. At times this may mean stepping back from the family circle entirely for the sake of your mental health. Other times, you may need to initiate honest but respectful conversations to express how you feel and what you need moving forward.
If reconciliation is something you want, be prepared for it to be a long process that can go either way.
This is because change in family dynamics takes time. If this is not forthcoming, choose to build your own family that loves and treats you with the honour and respect you desire.
Few things in this life are as painful as feeling shunned or excluded by your own family. For many people, being left out of family events, conversations or decisions can feel like a betrayal.
Why this hurts more is because family is where we expect to find belonging. But when that bond is broken, the emotional fallout is usually profound.
And that begs
the question, why does it happen? Well, the truth is, family exclusion can stem from many places. Sometimes it’s rooted in unresolved conflict, generational misunderstandings, jealousy, or even differences in values and life choices.
When this happens and you’re on the receiving end, it’s very easy to internalize the hurt and question your worth.
We must first acknowledge the hurt. Minimising your feelings by thinking perhaps you’re being overly sensitive only suppresses pain that needs space to be processed. Accept the truth for what it is.
Journaling, therapy or even talking it out with a trusted friend can help untangle the emotional knot. It’s important to validate your experience because intentional exclusion by those you love is a form of emotional abuse.
Understanding the
‘’why’’ behind the behaviour can be helpful but unfortunately, it’s not always possible. You may have to accept that you may never get a clear explanation or a heartfelt apology and that ambiguity can be just as hard to live with.
In such situations, focus instead on what you can control which is your boundaries, your self-talk, and how you choose to respond. At times this may mean stepping back from the family circle entirely for the sake of your mental health. Other times, you may need to initiate honest but respectful conversations to express how you feel and what you need moving forward.
If reconciliation
is something you want, be prepared for it to be a long process that can go either way.
This is because change in family dynamics takes time. If this is not forthcoming, choose to build your own family that loves and treats you with the honour and respect you desire.
By Esther Muchene