People who try so hard to keep up with the Jones’s perform to convince the world of a status and image that does not exist. Beyond just pride, it is a persistent effort to appear more knowledgeable, rich or sophisticated than one truly is.
To identify these fakers, you will start to notice a pattern of intellectual or social posturing. You will catch them dismissing the opinions of others as uninformed or constantly driving the conversation towards their own perceived achievements. This is anything but true confidence.
According to psychologist Alfred Adler, they use their superiority complex to hide deep-seated feelings of inferiority. By placing themselves on a pedestal, they choose to avoid the vulnerability of being seen as ordinary or flawed.
When this behaviour exists within a family or in a marriage, it threatens every fibre of emotional safety. Living with a pretentious spouse or relative means your thoughts, feelings and needs are secondary.
If, for instance, they’re obsessed with their image, they tend to see their partner or children as accessories to that image rather than as independent people. And what that means is constant pressure to perform or look a certain way to please the fake person’s ego. The danger may not come immediately but with time it slowly erodes their self-esteem.
You will catch yourself silencing your own voice to avoid being corrected or belittled. This creates an unhealthy environment where it is always about the other person. These types of people use a subtle form of invalidation to make others feel small, leading to self-doubt and chronic anxiety.
To protect yourself from such a person, stop seeking their validation because they are incapable of giving it. You must recognise that their actions are a reflection of their own internal struggles and have nothing to do with your worth. That is a vital step to emotional detachment.
Setting boundaries is equally important, and that may mean choosing not to engage in competitive conversations or calmly but firmly stating that you will not be talked down upon during disagreements.
While you cannot force them to drop their mask, you can choose not to play in their toxic game. Choose to prioritise your mental health and peace by surrounding yourself with genuine interactions to protect your inner self from the distorting effects of those people’s own insecurities.