When love isn’t the problem, communication is Imagine coming back home to find it exactly as you left it in the morning, dishes piled high in the kitchen, surfaces untouched and the air musty. Yet your partner has been home all day. Or consider a husband who allows his relatives to show up unannounced simply because they were in “Nairobi.” Feeling worked up already? Now picture what might be going on in your spouse’s mind. Such moments point to a fundamental breakdown in the management of expectations. Unspoken standards act as invisible tripwires in relationships, where one partner feels they…
Author: Esther Muchene
January is over, where are your resolutions? The 60 days in January stop feeling funny when you realise that February is here and you’re nowhere near achieving your goals, let alone following through. The initial surge of collective optimism that defines the new year often begins to fade, leaving many of us facing the harsh reality of unmet resolutions. February marks a significant psychological shift, where the excitement of a new year collides with the resistance of established habits and the pressures of daily life. For those struggling to maintain their newly set goals, leaving January behind can trigger feelings…
When gossip replaces genuine family intimacy In some homes, you will find a parent and child seated in their usual manner, bonding over cutting criticism of another child’s career choices or life trajectory. This is a textbook case of negative bonding. It is a connection built not on mutual affection or shared values, but on the exclusion of a third party, in this case, the child being discussed. This often unspoken but very common dynamic shows how families sometimes substitute genuine intimacy with high-conflict alliances, creating a fragile sense of belonging that relies on negativity rather than emotional safety. Negative…
Why every relationship needs a communication audit What exactly is a communication audit? It is a structured process that involves observing and evaluating patterns, frequency and the type of information exchanged between you and others. Far from assigning blame or dodging accountability, especially in relationships, a communication audit is a collaborative look into how people speak to each other, how they listen and how they interpret what is being said. When a relationship is marked by recurring arguments, the real issues are often buried beneath the emotional intensity of the delivery rather than the content itself. An audit allows everyone…
Recognising, breaking free from toxic parent-child bonds Certain topics are not discussed enough, and one of the most sensitive among them is the dynamics of trauma bonding. Often relegated to intimate relationships, trauma bonding is equally significant and destructive when it develops between a parent and a child. This complex attachment is not rooted in healthy, consistent affection but in a cyclical pattern of abuse, emotional neglect, or significant parental inconsistency, followed by periods of positive reinforcement, apologies, or calm. The child, whose survival and core needs are entirely dependent on the parent, becomes intensely attached to the very source…
How to stop anxiety from ruining your life If you can’t stop worrying, relax, or should you worry? Worry, at its core, is a natural human response that signals potential threat so as to motivate some form of preparation or action. However, for a significant portion of the population, worry transcends functionality becoming a chronic, pervasive state that attaches itself to nearly every aspect of life. From the profoundly consequential to the utterly mundane. When it gets to this persistent, excessive anxiety about events or outcomes including those that warrant little reason to expect a negative result, that should give…
How to deal with a selfish parent When you think of parental love it is universally associated with selflessness, love and kindness. However, the reality for many children involves navigating a family dynamic defined by emotional and material self-focus from their parents. This is not the benign self-care that is healthy, this involves a sustained pattern of behaviour where a parent’s needs, feelings and desires consistently eclipse those of their children regardless of the child’s age, circumstance or situation. A major sign of a self-centered parent is the inability to tolerate disagreement or criticism, especially if it’s coming from their…
Abandoned by your partner? Spousal abandonment is an extremely painful and disorienting experience, particularly when it involves a sudden and inexplicable departure. This differs greatly from a mutual separation, where a couple agrees to live apart. What makes it difficult to recognise is that the initial stages are subtle, beginning with a gradual withdrawal of emotional support from the relationship. A partner may become increasingly distant and disengaged from conversations, appearing indifferent to activities previously enjoyed together. They may start spending more time away from home or become secretive, creating an ever-growing emotional void. This emotional detachment then suddenly manifests…
Abandoned by your partner? Spousal abandonment is an extremely painful and disorienting experience, particularly when it involves a sudden and inexplicable departure. This differs greatly from a mutual separation, where a couple agrees to live apart. What makes it difficult to recognise is that the initial stages are subtle, beginning with a gradual withdrawal of emotional support from the relationship. A partner may become increasingly distant and disengaged from conversations, appearing indifferent to activities previously enjoyed together. They may start spending more time away from home or become secretive, creating an ever-growing emotional void. This emotional detachment then suddenly manifests…
Healing your relationship with your mum (Photo: iStock) An ideal family setup is one where all relationships are healthy and thriving. Dads would have healthy relationships with their sons, mothers would have no problem bonding with their daughters, and basically, everyone would get along peacefully. But as we know, things don’t always turn out how we expect them to; that’s just life. Most of the problems we experience stem from broken relationships within the family, especially parent-child relationships. A case we don’t often get to talk about is damaged connections between mothers and their daughters. This disconnect can cause problems…
Finding balance between work and motherhood Published Date: 2025-04-22 10:48:00 Author: Esther Muchene Source: The Standard
How to cope when your family shuts you out Published Date: 2025-04-22 10:48:00 Author: Esther Muchene Source: The Standard
The holiday season is finally here and nothing screams of family like now. It is that time we come together for gatherings and shared celebrations. For many, it’s a period of warmth and joy. However, for others, it can be a time filled with tension, conflict and even emotional distress especially if you come from a family where they are not very nice. In such family dynamics, the pressure to conform to social expectations during the holidays can be overwhelming. And that explains why certain individuals would rather spend the holidays alone away from harmful family members. This decision may…