Most Kenyan men never quite believe when a woman says, “He’s just a friend.” Their scepticism is often justified. Beneath the surface of such harmless claims sometimes lies mischief, emotional entanglement or plain opportunism. Some of these “friends” are secret lovers, others saviours in times of need, stress relievers, or gossip partners with benefits. Here are ten types of funny male besties Kenyan women keep.
1. The secret lover
He is her undercover flame disguised as a “friend”. If you grow suspicious about their chemistry or late-night meet-ups, she will swiftly dismiss you as insecure. Yet behind closed doors, their friendship might be far more intimate than she admits. When questioned, she will defend him passionately, perhaps a little too passionately.
2. The protective brother
He calls her “sis” but behaves more like a jealous boyfriend. He fights off any man who dares to say hello or text her “hi”, insisting he is just looking out for her. But when she starts showing interest in someone else, his spiritual peace evaporates. You might hear him mutter, “Huyu mtu anakaa gangster,” his coded way of saying, “I don’t like this one.”
3. The saviour or M-Pesa dude
This bestie doubles as her emergency fund, her personal ATM. She may not be into him, only remembering him when in crisis, often starting with, “Aki, just 500 till end month.” Of course, “end month” never comes. He sends the cash with a hopeful heart, praying each transaction buys him promotion from the brother zone to the boyfriend zone.
4. The stress reliever
When home life gets chaotic or her partner causes drama, this is the man she calls. Their chemistry is effortless, and she feels safer venting to him than to her actual partner. He listens patiently, offers comfort , and sometimes, just maybe, the comfort goes a little too far.
5. The gossip partner
He knows every tea before X does. He claims to hate gossip but always starts with, “I don’t like gossip, but…” before launching into a full-blown soap opera recap. He knows who the pastor’s wife is visiting, which man anagongewa mtaani,, and what is happening kwa plot. For the woman craving updates on neighbourhood scandals, he is the plug.
6. The workmate in quotes
He calls at odd hours, and when questioned, she insists, “He’s just a colleague.” Yet he is the first to notice if she misses work and the first to check in “just to see if you are okay.” Over time, his concern feels a little too personal. It is only a matter of time before “colleague” becomes something else entirely.
7. Mr adviser
He is the all-knowing confidant, her Dr Phil of Nairobi. She consults him on everything from relationship woes to investment plans. If he says her boyfriend isn’t good enough, she believes him without question. When she receives her chama payout or loan, he is the first to propose how she should spend it. He may sound wise, but his advice often comes with unspoken motives.
8. The ex who never left
They broke up, but he never really went away. He still sends memes, checks in randomly, and offers “emotional support”. Their connection lingers in the grey zone between nostalgia and unfinished business. Ask her about it and she’ll shrug, “Aah, huyu ex sijui anataka nini kwangu.” Yet deep down, she knows exactly what he wants.
9. The prayer partner
It starts with Bible study and ends with “Goodnight, babe. God bless.” He insists it is all spiritual, but his fasts seem to include prayers for her love. He invites her to Friday kesha, midweek fellowships and Katoloni fasts. Their prayer sessions last longer than most relationships, and sometimes feel more romantic than religious.
10. The technician
He fixes her phone, installs apps, and updates her Wi-Fi , but can’t delete himself from her life. He is a call away whenever she says, “My laptop is acting up.” He works for free, hoping she will see him as more than tech support.