The first school morning after the holidays often arrives quietly, but tensely. Uniforms are laid out the night before, shoes are searched for, and lunchboxes reappear from the back of cupboards. Parents move with determination, hoping routine will click back into place as if nothing happened.
However, for many children, January does not feel like a fresh start. It feels like a sudden stop.
After weeks of late nights, visitors, travel, treats, screens, noise, and novelty, children’s bodies and emotions struggle to adjust. Tears come easily, tempers flare, sleep refuses to cooperate, and motivation feels misplaced, and parents worry that something is wrong.
Experts say nothing is wrong.
Why January is hard on children
Kate Ochieng, a child development specialist, says children thrive on rhythm, and during the holidays, that rhythm loosens, intentionally. Bedtimes stretch, mealtimes blur, and structure gives way to spontaneity. The expert says, while this freedom is joyful, it is also overstimulating.
“When routine disappears, children’s nervous systems remain on high alert, and January requires a recalibration, not punishment, not pressure,” she says.
The expert explains that this adjustment period often shows up as: irritability or emotional outbursts, resistance to school or chores, sleep difficulties, clinginess or withdrawal. These behaviours, she says, are not signs of defiance, but are signs of transition.
“Many parents are surprised by January struggles because December appeared smooth, and children seemed happy, cooperative, even relaxed – that’s because excitement can mask emotional fatigue,” says David Mburugu, a psychologist.
He says what often goes unnoticed is how quickly children are expected to switch emotional gears. One day, he notes, the children are surrounded by relatives, noise, freedom, and indulgence. The next, they are required to sit still, concentrate, perform, and comply, and for younger children especially, this shift can feel confusing and abrupt.
“Without time to process the change, emotions spill over in ways that adults may misinterpret as resistance or laziness, while in reality, the child is still catching up internally, learning, once again, how to belong to structure,” says Mburugu.
He further explains that children often process experiences after the stimulation ends, and January is when the body finally slows down enough to feel everything.
Returning to school means returning to rules, and that shift requires support.
January comes with urgency, and parents feel the weight of school performance, discipline, schedule, and financial strain. This pressure can unintentionally spill onto children. However, experts caution against expecting instant compliance. In many homes, January also comes with unspoken adult anxiety. Fees must be paid, work resumes, and expectations rise.
Children, highly sensitive to emotional cues, often absorb this tension without understanding its source, and when adults move with urgency, children respond with either withdrawal or defiance. Slowing the household pace, says Kate, even slightly, can reduce conflict and restore cooperation far more effectively than repeated reminders or punishments.
“The goal is not to reset children overnight, but to rebuild rhythm gradually,” says the child development expert. Kate explains children respond best when adults lead with calm, not command.
The most effective January transitions are subtle, and rather than strict schedules on day one, explains Kate, parents can adjust bedtime in 15-30 minutes increments, reintroduce routines one at a time, and offer predictability without rigidity.
“Even simple rituals, such as morning greetings, shared meals, evening check-ins can help children feel anchored,” she says.
Rosemary Andieri, a mother to four children, describes sitting with her three sons and a daughter the night before school reopened.
“We didn’t revise rules, but instead we talked about what would feel hard, and what might help, and that conversation changed everything.,” she says.
Mburugu that explains children need language for transition. He advises that instead of saying: “You should be grateful, stop acting like a baby, it’s time to be serious,” parents should try statements like: “It’s normal to feel tired after a busy holiday, we’re easing back into routine together, what feels hardest right now?”
Naming the transition, he explains, helps children understand their emotions, and reduces shame.
When behaviour is communication
Kate says January misbehaviour often carries such messages from children: “I’m overwhelmed, I miss how things were or I need reassurance,” and responding with curiosity rather than control strengthens trust.
“When parents listen first, children settle faster,” says the therapist. This, she adds, does not mean abandoning boundaries, but rather, it means enforcing them with empathy.
Experts note that children do not transition in isolation. Family systems shift together, and when routines change, everyone must renegotiate roles, expectations, and emotional space.
“Children look to adults not for perfection, but for cues on how to respond to change, and a calm tone, consistent presence, and realistic expectations communicate safety far more loudly than rules alone,” explains Mburugu.
He says parents need a reset too, because sometimes children mirror adult stress. When parents are exhausted, anxious, or frustrated, children sense it immediately. So, January is also a time for parents to adjust expectations, rest where possible, ask for help, and release perfection
“You don’t need to be fully organised to support your child,” the specialist reminds parents. “You need to be emotionally present.”
Mburugu says January does not have to begin with force. It can begin with grace., as children who are allowed to transition gently learn that change does not have to be frightening, and that routine can return without punishment.
The expert says, once you slow down, by the end of the first two weeks after schools have reopened, your children will have slowed down too. “Because, sometimes, the reset starts with parents,” he says.