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Women in many cultures have long come last. In some societies, they still do. They are held back from achieving the milestones that can allow them to exist fairly with their male counterparts. Barred from driving, denied education, restricted from leadership, even forbidden from teaching their faith despite proven knowledge. Even where the law guarantees equality, the reality tells a different story.
It is for this reason that women must stay alert to the fact that we approach life from uneven ground. The tides are already rigged before we even find our footing. Beyond prescribed gender roles, almost every system is designed to test our resilience and push us to surrender. That is why the recent expose involving a foreign man courting and exposing Kenyan women is as upsetting as it is frustrating.
Let us get this out of the way first: Such conduct deserves a moment before a court of law. His actions are not only predatory but completely unethical. A man who deliberately courts women with the sole aim of publicly humiliating them for online content has no place in society. To disregard the emotional and psychological toll such action has on victims is inhumane. In this digital age, public shaming is not just a fleeting moment to gossip and move on, it is a permanent and archived record of vulnerability that will stay long after the incident itself.
Still, even as we condemn him, we must not ignore the uncomfortable question his so-called experiment raises.
The range of women involved is unsettling. The young and the mature. Single women and married ones. Educated ones alongside those more socially vulnerable. Whether by design or coincidence, this expose revealed something deeper than individual lapses in judgment. It points at societal undercurrent we have been reluctant to unpack.
Are women fatigued, exhausted by the winding road to the top they are willing to take any path that promises quicker results? For decades, women were told that education and hard work would level the field. And they took that to heart. They worked hard, earned degrees and built careers and homes with quiet determination hoping for the elusive stability promised. But the finish line keeps shifting. The field is cut-throat, opportunities scarce yet the expectation to make it both at home and in the world remains relentless.
After years of playing by the rule, could it be that some women have begun to question whether the ‘straight and narrow’ path truly pays? When shortcuts are glamourised and ‘bad girls’ are celebrated, reputation can start to feel negotiable.
There is also the question of loneliness. Long working hours and the relentless pursuit of success leave little room for meaningful connection. In such an environment, even the slightest expression of interest carries a lot of weight and makes women vulnerable to exploitation.
There is the skewed perception of power shaped by history. Generations of colonial and global hierarchies have subtly implied proximity to the western world means access to wealth and escape from third world woes. The colonialists may be long gone but the psychological residue lingers. It shouldn’t surprise us, then, that some of us may subconsciously interpret foreign attention as opportunity. Poverty, coupled with existing global inequalities, can distort judgment. Still, even as we try to interrogate these dynamics, we cannot walk away from the fact that these women were exploited. They were targeted, manipulated and taken advantage of and drawn into a carefully scripted scheme long before the first victim fell. Accountability for deception lies squarely with the deceiver.
Predatory men will always exist. But women can decide how we position ourselves. Guarding our gains means resisting the seduction of quick fixes and applying wisdom in situations that test our judgment. Every scandal involving women is a weapon used to reinforce tired stereotypes that women are weak and poor in decision making. While the narrative may be unfair, we cannot afford to be ones giving it life.
Our gains are hard won. Whatever traps society may place our way, we must move with awareness not to fall for the bait.
-Ms Wekesa is a development communication consultant
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By Faith Wekesa