Last week, I found myself in downtown Nairobi seeking some services. On the sidewalks were women selling all kind of groceries. Wanting to support a fellow woman, I decided to buy some shelled fresh beans from one of them. I requested for the very fresh ones on her tray. Cheerfully, she obliged, perhaps a little too quickly.
Having read about how some highway traders cheat on their customers, I watched closely. After packing the beans, I noticed she left the tin turned upside down. Curious, I reached down and turned it upright. The tin was halfway stuffed.
To say I was appalled doesn’t quite capture it. I turned to leave as fast as I could but her parting words stopped me right in my tracks. “God bless you Madam, na urudi tena!” When I thought the cheating had stunned me, her audacity left me speechless. Where was her shame?
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There is a kind of boldness that is embarrassing. A brashness that reveals not just a lack of conscience but a complete detachment from moral sensitivity. We need to bring back shame and the moral sensitivity to recognise when we are about to cross a line.
Shame, as I understand, is not a weakness but a confirmation that inside one, exists the very essence of their humanness. It is the mirror that keeps us in check and remind us of our shared responsibility to one another.
Consider the man who approached Mama Ida Odinga in her mourning period, not to condole but for a photo opportunity. Shamelessly, he could not even be discreet as he asked his photographer to confirm whether the shot had been taken. That a man saw her grief as a chance for ‘fame’ says so much about how low our moral bar has sunk.
Then there are those who will stop at nothing to get likes and views. Take the social media commentator who recently went to disturbing lengths, posting photos of underage children just to drive a false narrative about a new couple in town. In her quest to go viral, she violated the privacy and dignity of young children who had nothing to do with the adults’ drama. What kind of society cheers on such people?
And then there is this concept I am yet to understand. Why must people pay to use public washrooms? A friend recounted an awkward situation when visiting relatives were denied use of public washroom in the CBD. For Sh10, their dignity was reduced to a transaction. We have zero shame, we have normalised cruelty even in the most basic of services. We want to make profit of people being biologically sound. One wonders where taxes go if they cannot maintain such essential amenities.
Every day, ordinary interactions reflect this slow erosion of decency. This lack of shame, sadly is not just missing in our social space, it has seeped into our churches, our schools and public offices. Church leaders feel nothing defrauding peasant flocks even as political leaders shun accountability for popularity.
We cheer for ‘our thief’ and ridicule those who try to do the right thing. And what do we make of those who celebrate when others suffer simply because they do not share the same ideologies? How do you explain countless candidates being found cheating in exams supervised by adults?
Yet there are moments of hope. The other day, I sat next to a gentleman in a self-service cafeteria who was out with his son. Having finished his meal first, the father walked to the bin, disposed his trash, washed his hands, and returned to his seat.
When the little man was done, he followed suit without being told. Watching that small act of discipline was heartwarming, seeing the many tables littered with disposables. That is a child being raised with manners and yes, a sense of shame.
We could do with a lot more of that in our homes and in the larger society. Men and women who are alive to that inner voice that says “I can do better.”
Someone, please, bring back some shame.
Ms Wekesa is a development communication consultant
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By Faith Wekesa